well its been awhile since i am have writen in here... more then a year

so i feel broken inside and i can't explain it, its like a emptyness thats inside me about what i should do. I tend to think that have to be one way or say one thing when i know that i should say something different. I am hoping to go home next month, but i am bothered by worrie and sadness. The time in have lived here has been great but i still feel that i have thrown my life away but not doing what i want or saying what i think, aside from being an ass. Work has really been everything i can do to help people out that need it but it means i must be here and thats just not what i want. well thats all i have to say right now maybe more later.